Don’t Ever Let Anyone Tell You You Can’t Do Something

by ColoradoCoach.

A little different motivation today. Sorry the audio is a bit off, but the words are more important than the scene. Remember don’t be the dark cloud that rains on other people’s joyful parade of hopes and dreams, especially those of your kids.  Be an example to your kids of how a person creates the possibility for achieving their own hopes and dreams.

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Because I Choose To

by ColoradoCoach.

“Two roads diverged in a wood, and I— I took the one less traveled by, And that has made all the difference. These famous words written by Robert Frost bring to light my topic today–Decision Making.  Actually more specifically identifying there is a decision to make and identifying our choices.

The days of simply grabbing a coffee are gone. Today’s order requires surviving a gauntlet of choices: Caffeinated or decaf? Latte or Americano? Flavored or plain? Cream and sugar? Sugar or artificial sweetner? Small, medium, large, grande or venti? Hot or iced? And the list goes on.

Even though we have all learned to make decisions, many of us give little thought to the process.  It is estimated that the average working adult makes over 50,000 decisions–daily.  That is over 1/4 million decisions a week.  New research shows that such daily decisions use up limited mental resources, creating a choke hold on our own self-control. Which means making too many decisions might be why many people can’t stick to a diet or exercise program, finish a project or even complete simple daily chores. We are drawn to choice, but easily become overwhelmed by them. By reminding ourselves of the basic process of decision making and becoming more aware of the influences that affect our choices you will be more empowered to make the right choices on a daily basis, that will lead to greater achievement in your life overall.

Good decision making is a complex process that takes years to master. We usually begin teaching children about decision making by offering them choices.  It is important to not create too many options at first. Would you like the green crayon or the red crayon to color with.  Also it is crucial to not judge the decision early on. As the child gains confidence we introduce more options and begin to teach them the basic process.

1. Think before you act.  Recognize and define the decision.

2. Identify the choices.  What are your options. Realize that no action is still a choice.

3. Evaluate each choice.

4. Assess the possible outcomes.  “What are the consequences of my actions?” (or in their language, “How much trouble will I get in?”). Judge the risks and rewards of your decisions. ”How will my decision affect others?” “Is this decision in my best interests?”

Finally

5. Decide and implement.

I would encourage you to add an additional step- Evaluate the outcome.

This process becomes ingrained in our head and most decisions we quickly follow this series of steps with no conscious thought. ” Do I want breakfast this morning? Do I have time? What do I have time for? Corn Pops or Corn flakes? and within seconds you are consuming a bowl of corn flakes because you realized that you wouldn’t be able to grab lunch until after your noon meeting. But it is important to address influences that you may not be aware of that influence your decisions–especially decisions that seem to happen with very little thought.

The first influence is your experiences.  Experiences shape our assessment of possible outcomes. If the last time you opened the box of corn flakes you spilled the entire bag all over the floor and it took 15 minutes to clean it al up and you were late to catch the bus you would likely pick toast or something else for breakfast if you were in a hurry. Or maybe just slow down and think if the box is already open.

Our past experiences often influence our quick decisions. Be cognizant that they are not always correct or a true assessment of possible outcomes. Just because it happened once, does not make it a consistent fact.

The next influence is our beliefs and prejudices. We often hold beliefs about ourselves that are not true.  These limiting beliefs frequently impact our decision making. If we believe that we work best under pressure we often will make irrational decisions so that we have complete the majority of our work under pressure of a deadline. If you hold the statement ” If you want it done right you must do it yourself” you will likely find fault and be closed off to other people’s ways of accomplishing the same task.

Our beliefs–right or inaccurate– are a major influence over how we make decisions. Becoming aware of our own beliefs and prejudices is a big step in making sound choices.

Fears we hold are another influence over our decisions. I have a good friend who has recently had back problems.  His doctor has prescribed muscle relaxers for his ailment.  He is unable to drive when he takes the medication and it is affecting his whole family.  I have encouraged him to visit my chiropractor and get a diagnosis from him. My friend has an irrational fear of chiropractors. My friend believes that it is unhealthy to crack your knuckles, let alone your back. This fear is preventing him from making a educated evaluation of all his choices and it is impacting his family.

Our fears, especially our fear of the unknown or uncomfortable, greatly influence what choices we identify in our decision making process.  Knowing your fears and addressing them head on, allow you to limit their negative impact on your decision making.

The final influence I want to talk about today is your goals. Your goals act like a compass in the decision making process. As you go through he steps you ask yourself “is this choice in my best interest?” Does this get me closer to my goals or farther away?  A compass merely confirms you are heading in the predetermined right direction. Just the same using your goals to influence your daily decisions, merely confirms you are continually heading in the direction of your dreams and desires.

These influences play a part in conscious and unconscious decision making. Up til now I have mostly been concerned with how we make conscious decisions. Now I want to look at our unconscious decisions.

Alex Pouget, associate professor of brain and cognitive sciences at University of Rochester, has shown that people make optimal decisions–but only when their subconscious mind makes the choice. This current research contradicts previous held research which argued that humans rarely make rational decisions. That research, prospect theory, which won the researchers, Neuroscientists Daniel Kahneman and Amos Tversky, a Nobel Prize in 2002 has become conventional wisdom among cognition researches. Pouget points out that irrational decision making occurred when the conscious mind was engaged in the primary decision. He found that people really are able make good decisions when they do not over think or over analyze the issue. The unconscious mind picks up cues that help to make the best possible decision with the available information.

The results showed that the subconscious only condition, had an accuracy rate of 95% while the conscious condition had 70% accuracy (2). The researchers rationalized that the conscious portion of the mind tends to over analyze information while the subconscious is more attuned to subtle visual differences.

So what does this mean for you and me? Trust your instincts. Listen to your gut.

I spoke before in previous postings that my greatest teacher is a wise little boy.  He helped me pick today’s topic.  The other morning after breakfast, he came bouncing around the corner, smiling and laughing.  As my wife and I sat there talking I addressed him.  “Jackson why are you always so happy?”  His response, “Because I choose to….”

and with that he hugged his dog and giggled some more.

You see life really come down to our choices. Where you are right now in your life is a direct result of the choices you have made. Struggling, stressed, scared? All choices.  Rich, Confident, Successful and even happy–Also choices.  The power of the unconscious mind is an amazing asset. Trust your gut. Review the decision Making process.  Be aware of the influences.

From the teachings of my son I have Chosen to be happy and successful.  I hope you will join me.

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Seek and Ye shall not Find

by ColoradoCoach.

I discovered an amazing teacher that has taught me to look at how I view the world and how I engage every aspect of it. Now, like most of my learning, the lessons I learn rarely become evident as my teacher is speaking, but rather after I have had time to process what I have learned.

I have only known my teacher for about 3 1/2 years.  And after years of formal education, countless seminars & workshops and hundreds of books, I have found my greatest professor when I wasn’t even looking. I was infatuated with him when we first met. He wasn’t so sure of me.  He was very quiet, taking in each moment of our time together.  Even though he didn’t talk much, his simple wisdom was hard to misunderstand.  He took his time giving me my first life lesson: We each need each other.

Simple.  To the point.  Easily missed in the hustle of our everyday lives, especially in this day of texting, emailing, and tele-commuting.  But this basic lesson is important to understand as foundational to all his other lessons.  WE EACH NEED EACH OTHER!

Part two of this first lesson is about application.  My teacher began to show me that we each need each other by the simple gesture of a smile. Looking someone in the eyes and smiling quickly reminds a person that we need each other.  It also taught me that a smile can change the world. Wayne Dyer stated, “When we change how we look at the world, the world changes.” A sincere smile can change how we look at the world. It changes our affect, which changes our effect.

Now after 3 1/2 years, my lessons are more frequent and my conditioning has made me more aware.  Even though we do not spend as much time together as we once did, the lessons are more obvious-if I take the time to watch and learn from him.

1. Arise early, start the day with a fresh attitude and a morning routine.
2. Life is nmeant to be filled with action, not sitting to read the newspaper or watching TV.
3. A Kiss has magical powers.
4. Ask lots of questions
5. It is OK to toot your own horn.  Celebrate your accomplishments and share them with others.
6. Have heroes. It is important to have people with strong character to look up to.
7. Believe in miracles.
8. Express authentic emotions. When you are happy-be happy and dance and cheer. When you are sad, cry and asked to be held. When you are angry, yell and scream to let it out.
9. Say I love you. Say I am sorry. Say thank you. These statements are powerful to the people you say them to, but more importantly, they are empowering to your spirit’s well being. Love, Forgiveness and Gratitude.
10. Read positive stories that allow your mind to create powerful lessons and visions, especially before bed.

As you can see his simple lessons are all about getting back to basics. As we grow older it seems most of us clutter our lives and complicate things. We believe that buying things will lead to happiness or a better life-WRONG. Instead these same items actually rob us of a small portion of our life.  What are the basics for you to have a happy life? Friends? Family? Income? Love? Travel? Figure out the “things” that may be weighing you down and simplify.  Back to basics.

As I stated in the beginning, a culmination of my teachings so far have led to a better understanding of perspective, how I view the world. As the Wayne Dyer quote speaks to we must become aware of the lens through which we see the world. And if we take time to change that lens, our reality of our experiences changes. My guru of life’s lessons have not come from a man of many years, the type of mentor I have wished for, but rather from my 3 1/2 year old son, Jackson.

Jackson has helped me reverse my perception of roles and preset assumptions.  He has helped me realize that broadening my awareness and not trying to fit my reality into my own expectations, opens many more opportunities, and many more classrooms. Jackson has shown me that By learning you will teach and by teaching you will learn.

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Tell ‘em What You Want, What you Really Really Want

by ColoradoCoach.

A master can tell you what he expects of you. A teacher, though awakens your own expectations. ~Patricia Neal

I have had several discussions in the past week regarding communicating expectations.  An essential to good communication and relationships is knowing what your expected or desired outcome of a situation is and communicating that to those people involved, whether they are co-workers, a spouse, children or complete strangers. First you must realize what your expectations are.  What is your expected outcome?  What do you hope to achieve?  

Before you communicate expectations to anyone else you must know yourself. That means you must take the time to have a “conversation” with yourself. This step covers the “what” of your expectations. Think about the relevant situation or event. Think about what you want to achieve as a result. Use that information and record it in as much detail so can communicate your message clearly to someone else. Write it down if you have to, but make sure you know in vivid detail what you want.

Too often people are frustrated or angry when things don’t go as planned.  Parents snap at their children because of inappropriate behaviors in restaurants or formal social settings.  I will ask, “Did you tell them your expectations before you got there?”  The response I here the most frequently is “They know what I expect.”  Do you ever ask the person you are communicating with if they clearly understand what you expect?  I’ll bet you don’t.  Do you know the expectations others have of you?  Do you ever ask? 

Every situation we enter, each individual involved has their own expectations. They have expectations of the others involved, they have expectations of the desired results from the others involved, and they have their own base of expectations of themselves.  But these thoughts and feeling are rarely communicated. Yet they can drastically affect our impression of a situation. 

I will start most coaching conversations, classes, and workshops I have with asking what the participants expectations are.  Then I explain what my expectations are of them.  I believe in getting it out on the table right away.  When I notice my 3 year old is not doing what I would like him to do I will ask him, “What are you supposed to be doing?” I find out that I get less frustrated when he is unclear on his expectations.  So I start there and we discuss what he thinks he should be doing.  And I correct or agree with accordingly. Then we can create a plan.

This type of clarification needs to happen in all aspects of our lives. We all are different. We do the same things, but have different desired outcomes or purposes for doing things.  Men and women both go shopping.  Men go to buy a particular item.  We go find the item, we buy the item. For men it is about the kill. Women go shopping for the experience. Women enjoy the hunt. Same activity, way different expectations.

Managing expectations - yours and those of others - is an important part of our every day life. Defining expectations with your children, spouse, boss, yourself, co-workers and customers/ clients will lead to a greater satisfaction and productivity. Understanding the most effective ways to communicate your expectations, and to understand those of others, is the best solution for overall success in any endeavor or relationship.

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