by ColoradoCoach.

Failure: Dealing with failure is a key leadership skill. A leader needs to develop a good sense of recognizing failure and turning it into a learning experience. Failure does not have to be a big deal, but most people’s natural tendencies are the opposite of what needs to happen in order to turn a failure into a learning experience and not a confidence breaker. Too often those in leadership make failure too personal and try to cover up those failings. The road to success is paved with stones of failure.  The two truly go hand in hand.

In racquetball I often state that winning is great but it does very little to improving my game.  Losing on the other hand exposes many opportunities for improvement.  The overwhelming feedback that winning provides is that I am better than the other person.  My evaluation usually stops there. Losing causes me to examine so much more.  What did I do well?  What did I do horrible? What can I do next time to improve. what were the weaknesses in their game that I can better exploit next game. Losing creates a new passion inside me to succeed next game.

The fear of failure is ingrained in us at an early age.  We become afraid of the potential negative instead of the reward of the potential gain.  On a walk yesterday with my 4 year old I observed this practice.  He was walking along a ledge that was beside the sidewalk. There was a step up in the ledge, about 4 inches. The ledge was now about 4 feet from the sidewalk (on the other side was rocks and they were about two feet down.  My son froze.  All he could see was the four feet he would fall. When I asked him about this, he said he was afraid of falling.  When I asked him why he wasn’t afraid of falling before the step up, he replied ” I just wasn’t thinking about falling then.”

How often does this play a role in your life?  How often, after a little change or variation in your plan, do you only see the possible negative outcome?  How does this affect your results?

This is why it is critical that you understand that only through failure, will you find success.  The faster you experience failure, the faster you will discover the lessons for success. Leadership expert Robin Sharma shares that “the more you go to your limits, the more your limits will expand…The fears you don’t face become your walls.” In his book the Leader Who Had No Title one of the main characters, a ski instructor, points out that “tough runs build better skiers.”

Why does understanding this principle help to overcome the fear of failure? Basically, there is a shift in perception on the value of failure. Stop associating failure with no value or negative value. Create the paradigm shift that failure is a benefit, that it is the accelerant so that you can succeed faster. By changing this value the fear of failure is reduced.  The power is placed on the correct purpose.

Posted in Failing, Personal Development, business, success, habits, goal setting, Coaching, mindset | Print | No Comments »

by ColoradoCoach.

No matter if your final destination is the moon or the stars or financial freedom, can you imagine being off course 97% of the time? Some days it seems like that, doesn’t it. So what is the trick to staying on course? Evaluation and Correction.

Actually more accurately Constant evaluation and Constant Correction. Can you imagine trying to get better at making free-throws if you only took 1 shot from the line each month. It would be pretty hard to assess what you did wrong (or right) and make the appropriate adjustments. Yet this is exactly what most of us do in our lives and in our businesses. We check the monthly balance sheets to look at how we did. Sometimes we only take time to assess what went wrong long after we have been off course.

This video talks about establishing a daily routine of evaluation and reflection to make the necessary course corrections, so that you can arrive at your determined destination. This was shot at the Grand Canyon Sep. 2009.

Please share your comments and examples.

Posted in Personal Development, business, Failing, success, Coaching, habits, goal setting | Print | No Comments »

by ColoradoCoach.

As a small business coach I often see small business owners running themselves ragged, working long hours,  not spending time with their families nor doing the things that they enjoy and not experiencing the freedom they hoped owning their own business would bring.

It is easy to get stuck in some of the common pitfalls of business ownership.  These bad habits can be difficult to break out of. The key is really to  start working smarter, not harder.

I thought I would share the  most common mistakes I see small business owners make, and how you can prevent (or stop) yourself from making them:

1. Not setting clear goals. Operating without a clearly defined outcome, where you want your business to go is a sure recipe for disaster.  It is important to take actions with a purpose. Too often I find business owners who are doing many of the right things, but with no direction or purpose and then they get frustrated because the results are not what they expected. Creating a solid vision, and establishing clear, measurable & attainable targets are the first steps.

2. Confusing being busy with being successful. It’s really easy to believe that working 70-hour weeks in your business is just part of being successful.  But what about having the personal freedom and financial freedom to do the things we enjoy and spend time with those we love?  What about creating a balance in your life?  Become aware of how you spend your time.  Assess whether you are spending it in the most efficient way.

3. Weak marketing message.  If your marketing message doesn’t speak directly to your market’s needs and wants your marketing materials will get lost in the storm.  A strong and consistent marketing message that speaks to the question “what’s in it for me?” will trump sexy design every time. Be clear on what problem you or your product solves for your target.

4. Ignoring your true target market.  Too many businesses operate without a good understanding of who their target market is, including how they think, and how they behave.   Trying to market to everybody  is a recipe for disaster, all marketing initiatives are just shots in the dark, and money into the fire.  With this knowledge about your market, all leads are qualified and conversion rates soar.

5. Forgetting the value of current customers. I often see small businesses work so hard on bringing in new business and forget to serve the current business they have.  An example of this is answering the phone during a customer transaction. Or offering discounts to new clients, but not honoring the same discount for current clients.

Customer retention and satisfaction drive profits. It’s far less expensive to cultivate your existing customer base and sell more services to them than it is to seek new, single-transaction customers. Most surveys across industries show that keeping one existing customer is five to seven times more profitable than attracting one new one (Graham Roberts-Phelps.)

Customer retention is about relationship and keeping them active.  Customer loyalty programs are a great way to reward frequent customers, plus it is a helpful way to learn these customers names and get contact information. Use the customers name.  Remember details about them (birthdays, vacations, spouse, children, etc).

If you identify with any of these concerns now is the time to address them.  As a business owner you are not expected to be perfect in all areas of the business, but you should expect that you know which resources to allocate to each concern. Not addressing a problem will definitely not solve it. Throwing more money at it only makes it a more expensive problem. Take time now to clearly identify, create a vision, implement a plan and evaluate the outcomes.

Posted in Vision, business, Failing, success, Coaching, goal setting | Print | 2 Comments »

by ColoradoCoach.

The three most important factors in purchasing real estate: location, location, location.  I know it seems cliche’, but it an essential part of understanding how to buy real estate as an investment.  Similarly, the three most important factors in personal development are a vital piece to understanding how to make positive conscious changes in your life.

The first important factor for personal development and self-improvement is awareness.  You must become aware of how you think, your feelings, your actions & behaviors, and your habits.  You also must take time to recognize the things that you are not doing that can be detouring you from your success.  Finally you must become clear on what it is you want and why it is that you want it.  This level of awareness does not come easily.  Much of the beginning of my coaching relationships focus on this area.  I have discovered that many people believe they are aware of who they are and their problem areas, but are only aware of the symptoms of their issues.

Too often we are aware of the symptoms in our lives, like not enough money, overweight or stressed, but unaware of the true underlying problems that create these outward signs of distress.  We are conditioned and programmed to treat symptoms in this country. If you have a headache there is a pill for that.  Heartburn?  Yep there is a pill for that.  We are never taught to identify the true problems and treat that.  Absolute awareness is critical in making changes in your life.  You must know what you are up against.

The second critical factor is vision.  You must have a clear vision of what you are pursuing.  Can you imagine hitting a target you can’t see?  How about putting together a 3000 piece jigsaw puzzle without seeing the picture on the box?  Can it be done?  Sure it can.  I takes a lot longer, is way more frustrating, and completely draining of energy.

By creating a detailed vision of what it is you are after you are more capable of seeing where the pieces belong.  It will still require putting them together in the correct way, some trial and error, but you will not be aiming blind-folded.

Clarity of a plan is just as important as a clear vision.  Once you have the picture you begin to create a structure for completion.  In completing a jigsaw puzzle, you first find all the edges and construct the border of the puzzle.  Then you begin to group the pieces by color or forms from the picture.  So it is with your vision. First create a structure and then identify the steps that will lead to putting all the pieces together.

The third and final critical factor is application, application, application.  Most people I speak to about personal and professional development have amazing libraries.  They have books from all the gurus Napoleon Hill, Zig Ziglar, Tony Robbins, Jack Canfield, Steven Covey, Brian Tracy and Jim Rohm. The problem is not lack of information or content, their problem is lack of application and action.  We all have access to the resources we need to create the life and achieve the goals we desire.  The struggle arises out of applying those resources effectively.  It’s like owning a Mercedes-Benz S-Class and never driving it. Instead you choose to take the bus everywhere and complain when the bus doesn’t go where you want to go.  You have the resources, apply them.

Knowledge becomes wisdom when you experience it. Applying what you learn creates that experience.  Don’t take my word for it, try it for yourself.  Go and begin applying the lessons from this post.  Become aware of yourself, create a clear vision and take action.

I hope that after reading this you realize that the three critical factors in personal development are application, application, application.

Posted in Personal Development, Vision, success, SMART goals, Coaching, habits, goal setting | Print | No Comments »

by ColoradoCoach.

It is important to develop the ability to clearly distinguish between wishes and goals. Realistic objectives can be achieved regardless of how difficult they are or appear to be. Unrealistic objectives on the other hand can never be achieved.

The degree of difficulty of a particular task does not determine whether or not it can be achieved.  What does determines whether or not a task or objective can be achieved is control.  The ability to control the variables that affect the outcome.

What are wishes? 

Merriam-Webster defines wish as to have a desire for (as something unattainable).

Wishes are objectives based on variables that you DO NOT control. For example, I wish that I could live forever. I have no control over death, in fact death is one constant in life, so it’s only a wish, it cannot be a goal.

Wishes are harmless but problems arise when we remain in wish mode, or treat wishes like goals. Often wishes are impulsive and not connected to our values and overall purpose.

Dreams are different from wishes. Dreams often are the catalyst to our ultimate goals and are connected to your mission. The big picture usually comes from a dream. Michael Phelps, Bill Gates, Zig Ziglar and Donald Trump all had dreams, which were convertered into goals and then achieved success through the goal setting process. Dreams can inspire action. Wishes on the other hand are often mere whims or wants.

Converting a dream to a goal is simple enough. Goals are based upon variables that you DO control. For example, I will lose 10 pounds in the next 60 days.  I have control over my actions and that is the key variable in this statement. If I limit my caloric intake and increase my activities to burn more calories, then I have the ability to achieve this goal. All the variables are in my CONTROL. This is an achievable  goal. Not a mere wish and not a even a dream.

If you have an idea that you intend to develop, then that’s most likely a dream. If you have a specific plan as to how you will achieve that idea, it now becomes a goal. Control is the key. Ensure that you identify the relevant variables and determine whether they are in your control.

Realize you will never have complete control over everything. Taking action over the critical variables that are in your control is what we are talking about here.

Even if other people don’t see or understand how something will be achieved, as long as YOU can map out the process and understand clearly how it will be achieved, that’s all that matters.

Simple things like creating new habits, vacations or learning new languages can be wishes if there is NO ACTION PLAN completed and followed. If you come home from work everyday, drop your bags and say I wish I could go on a vacation, there’s no action plan. If you save $150 a week, then it becomes a goal and you’ll have $10, 400 for a vacation after two years.

Remember that control is the key. Set goals and map out action plans which will enable you to achieve them by influencing the variables which you control.

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by ColoradoCoach.

In the confrontation between the stream and the rock, the stream always wins, not through strength but by perseverance. ~H. Jackson Brown

Looking at the beauty that is the Grand Canyon it is hard to not see the value of perseverance. Plants, trees and flowers that survive desert heat during the day and cold temperatures at night to survive and create a beautiful back drop for amazing sunrises and sunsets. Then of course there is the Colorado River. The river that has helped create this miracle of nature. The lesson of perseverance is all around. Even in the history of the Grand Canyon, A quick study of Stephen T. Mather, the man responsible for the preservation of the Grand Canyon as a National Park, for whom Mather’s Point is named, shows this man learned this lesson well early and continued to succeed with it throughout his life.

Napoleon once said, “Victory belongs to him who has the most perseverance.”
It is a statement that is as true today as when Napoleon first said it. It is a statement that can be examined throughout this spectacular park. Watch the hikers as they stumble back from hikes that were testaments to perseverance and little to do with strength. These worn out hikers kept placing one foot in front of the other, despite heat, despite blisters, and despite their inner voice telling them they weren’t going to make it.

The truth is that only a small percentage of people ever achieve their full potential - and those who do are the ones who persevere toward their goals.

“Success isn’t something you chase. It’s something you have to put forth the effort for constantly. Then maybe it’ll come when you least expect it. Most people don’t understand that.” - Michael Jordan

Dictionary.com defines persevere as a verb meaning to persist in anything undertaken; maintain a purpose in spite of difficulty, obstacles, or discouragement; continue steadfastly.
Watching the Colorado River one cannot help but notice that it rarely takes a straight path. It constantly zigs and zags and takes long bends around the natural formations. It looks as if it naturally finds the path of least resistance, but upon further inspection you can see that the river is constantly changing its path. It is always adapting to new obstacles and challenges, yet it continues its journey. That is the grace of success. From the untrained eye, it appears as though it is effortless, but the truth lies in it perseverance. The river acts naturally, discovering the path of least resistance, pooling only momentarily until overcoming the obstacle. It keeps moving.

“I do not think there is any other quality so essential to success of any kind as the quality of perseverance. It overcomes almost everything, even nature.”

                                              ~John D. Rockefeller

Perseverance is not only critical in nature and in business. Perseverance is a value to be appreciated and experienced in our personal lives and our families.  Where in your life can perseverance be practiced?  Maybe it is giving that exercise program another try.  Perhaps it means keeping in touch with friends and family.  Parenting is nothing more than perseverance in practice, maintaining a purpose in spite of difficulty.

Keep your purpose in the forefront of your mind as you continue steadfastly.  The purpose gives meaning and focus to the action. Persevere.

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by ColoradoCoach.

“Two roads diverged in a wood, and I— I took the one less traveled by, And that has made all the difference. These famous words written by Robert Frost bring to light my topic today–Decision Making.  Actually more specifically identifying there is a decision to make and identifying our choices.

The days of simply grabbing a coffee are gone. Today’s order requires surviving a gauntlet of choices: Caffeinated or decaf? Latte or Americano? Flavored or plain? Cream and sugar? Sugar or artificial sweetner? Small, medium, large, grande or venti? Hot or iced? And the list goes on.

Even though we have all learned to make decisions, many of us give little thought to the process.  It is estimated that the average working adult makes over 50,000 decisions–daily.  That is over 1/4 million decisions a week.  New research shows that such daily decisions use up limited mental resources, creating a choke hold on our own self-control. Which means making too many decisions might be why many people can’t stick to a diet or exercise program, finish a project or even complete simple daily chores. We are drawn to choice, but easily become overwhelmed by them. By reminding ourselves of the basic process of decision making and becoming more aware of the influences that affect our choices you will be more empowered to make the right choices on a daily basis, that will lead to greater achievement in your life overall.

Good decision making is a complex process that takes years to master. We usually begin teaching children about decision making by offering them choices.  It is important to not create too many options at first. Would you like the green crayon or the red crayon to color with.  Also it is crucial to not judge the decision early on. As the child gains confidence we introduce more options and begin to teach them the basic process.

1. Think before you act.  Recognize and define the decision.

2. Identify the choices.  What are your options. Realize that no action is still a choice.

3. Evaluate each choice.

4. Assess the possible outcomes.  “What are the consequences of my actions?” (or in their language, “How much trouble will I get in?”). Judge the risks and rewards of your decisions. ”How will my decision affect others?” “Is this decision in my best interests?”

Finally

5. Decide and implement.

I would encourage you to add an additional step- Evaluate the outcome.

This process becomes ingrained in our head and most decisions we quickly follow this series of steps with no conscious thought. ” Do I want breakfast this morning? Do I have time? What do I have time for? Corn Pops or Corn flakes? and within seconds you are consuming a bowl of corn flakes because you realized that you wouldn’t be able to grab lunch until after your noon meeting. But it is important to address influences that you may not be aware of that influence your decisions–especially decisions that seem to happen with very little thought.

The first influence is your experiences.  Experiences shape our assessment of possible outcomes. If the last time you opened the box of corn flakes you spilled the entire bag all over the floor and it took 15 minutes to clean it al up and you were late to catch the bus you would likely pick toast or something else for breakfast if you were in a hurry. Or maybe just slow down and think if the box is already open.

Our past experiences often influence our quick decisions. Be cognizant that they are not always correct or a true assessment of possible outcomes. Just because it happened once, does not make it a consistent fact.

The next influence is our beliefs and prejudices. We often hold beliefs about ourselves that are not true.  These limiting beliefs frequently impact our decision making. If we believe that we work best under pressure we often will make irrational decisions so that we have complete the majority of our work under pressure of a deadline. If you hold the statement ” If you want it done right you must do it yourself” you will likely find fault and be closed off to other people’s ways of accomplishing the same task.

Our beliefs–right or inaccurate– are a major influence over how we make decisions. Becoming aware of our own beliefs and prejudices is a big step in making sound choices.

Fears we hold are another influence over our decisions. I have a good friend who has recently had back problems.  His doctor has prescribed muscle relaxers for his ailment.  He is unable to drive when he takes the medication and it is affecting his whole family.  I have encouraged him to visit my chiropractor and get a diagnosis from him. My friend has an irrational fear of chiropractors. My friend believes that it is unhealthy to crack your knuckles, let alone your back. This fear is preventing him from making a educated evaluation of all his choices and it is impacting his family.

Our fears, especially our fear of the unknown or uncomfortable, greatly influence what choices we identify in our decision making process.  Knowing your fears and addressing them head on, allow you to limit their negative impact on your decision making.

The final influence I want to talk about today is your goals. Your goals act like a compass in the decision making process. As you go through he steps you ask yourself “is this choice in my best interest?” Does this get me closer to my goals or farther away?  A compass merely confirms you are heading in the predetermined right direction. Just the same using your goals to influence your daily decisions, merely confirms you are continually heading in the direction of your dreams and desires.

These influences play a part in conscious and unconscious decision making. Up til now I have mostly been concerned with how we make conscious decisions. Now I want to look at our unconscious decisions.

Alex Pouget, associate professor of brain and cognitive sciences at University of Rochester, has shown that people make optimal decisions–but only when their subconscious mind makes the choice. This current research contradicts previous held research which argued that humans rarely make rational decisions. That research, prospect theory, which won the researchers, Neuroscientists Daniel Kahneman and Amos Tversky, a Nobel Prize in 2002 has become conventional wisdom among cognition researches. Pouget points out that irrational decision making occurred when the conscious mind was engaged in the primary decision. He found that people really are able make good decisions when they do not over think or over analyze the issue. The unconscious mind picks up cues that help to make the best possible decision with the available information.

The results showed that the subconscious only condition, had an accuracy rate of 95% while the conscious condition had 70% accuracy (2). The researchers rationalized that the conscious portion of the mind tends to over analyze information while the subconscious is more attuned to subtle visual differences.

So what does this mean for you and me? Trust your instincts. Listen to your gut.

I spoke before in previous postings that my greatest teacher is a wise little boy.  He helped me pick today’s topic.  The other morning after breakfast, he came bouncing around the corner, smiling and laughing.  As my wife and I sat there talking I addressed him.  “Jackson why are you always so happy?”  His response, “Because I choose to….”

and with that he hugged his dog and giggled some more.

You see life really come down to our choices. Where you are right now in your life is a direct result of the choices you have made. Struggling, stressed, scared? All choices.  Rich, Confident, Successful and even happy–Also choices.  The power of the unconscious mind is an amazing asset. Trust your gut. Review the decision Making process.  Be aware of the influences.

From the teachings of my son I have Chosen to be happy and successful.  I hope you will join me.

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by ColoradoCoach.

Did you know you are born with the secret knowledge to achieve ultimate success and satisfaction in your life?  People spend millions of dollars each year searching for this “secret” and we are all born with it.  The problem is we get so good at at, that we forget it after a few years.

A year or more ago I stumbled across a cleaning blog, that spoke about breaking up really big challenges, like cleaning up a filthy kitchen, into 10 - 15 minutes a day. That is how I conquer the stacks of papers on my desk. 10 minutes here to organize business cards. 10 minutes before lunch to file away clients folders. Breaking up what would otherwise seem like an overwhelming task into 10 minute segments over a series of days, takes away the FEAR and prevents PROCRASTINATION.  

Now I realize that this has become a common life hack, but at the time I read it, I still wasn’t applying it to my life. Now I apply this strategy in all areas of my life. I mow the front yard a different day than the back yard. I rarely ever vacuum the entire house in one given day.  Reading, journaling, writing old friends– all these have become enjoyable again.  Conquering miniature tasks on a daily basis is way more manageable.  And accomplishing little things can make a huge impact over time. If you were to improve just .003 each day- that’s only 3/10 of one percent, a very minor improvement, but if  you kept that up for the next five years, here’s what would happen to you:

The first year, you would improve 100 percent (you would already be twice the person you are today. By the completion of year two, you would improve 200 percent. The third year, 400 percent. And in the end of the fourth, 800 percent. AND BY THE COMPLETION OF YEAR FIVE-by simply improving 3/10 of one percent each day-you will have INCREASED your value, your skills, and the results you accomplished 1,600 percent. That’s 22 times BETTER than you are today.  That doesn’t even take into consideration compounding. That’s just adding on 3/10 of one percent each day. WOW! This is the concept behind Jeff Olson’s The  Slight Edge.

If you have had the distinct pleasure of watching a child learn to walk, you know that it doesn’t usually happen in a weekend. First there is crawling, then they begin to pull themselves up, next is cruising–moving from one piece of furniture to the next for support and mixed in all these steps is lots of falling. In the process of learning how to walk, you probably spent more time failing than you did succeeding. But did you ever have the thought of quitting? Did you ever tell yourself, “I’m just not cut out for walking-I guess I’ll crawl for the rest of my life?” No, of course you didn’t. So, why do you do that now?

Why are your goals today any different? What’s changed? When did you lose the ability to set a goal, go for it, and achieve it? How come you don’t do what you did when you were one or two years old?

The answer is quite simple:

Somewhere along the way in your life, you became unwilling to take baby steps and you became afraid to fall, afraid to fail. You lost belief in the basic truth that the simple little disciplines done again and again over time would create the desired success. The people around you became more jaded and less supportive.  You came to expect immediate results.  You forgot “the secret” you were born with.

Stop seeking immediate results and start taking baby steps again.  Find small ways to make improvements in your life.  Do it daily. Remember that small improvements daily, a mere 3 tenths of one percent, can add up. 10 minutes each day toward your goals will add up.

You see the “secret” you were born with is that you are capable of amazing feats.  You were born with the ability to set goals and the basic hardware to achieve them — all of them, if you are willing to cast fear aside and are willing to fail several times before you get there.  Failing is merely a part of the baby steps. You must crawl before you walk, and you must persevere through all the falling, before you walk on your own.  And soon after you walk you will run and jump.

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by ColoradoCoach.

I discovered an amazing teacher that has taught me to look at how I view the world and how I engage every aspect of it. Now, like most of my learning, the lessons I learn rarely become evident as my teacher is speaking, but rather after I have had time to process what I have learned.

I have only known my teacher for about 3 1/2 years.  And after years of formal education, countless seminars & workshops and hundreds of books, I have found my greatest professor when I wasn’t even looking. I was infatuated with him when we first met. He wasn’t so sure of me.  He was very quiet, taking in each moment of our time together.  Even though he didn’t talk much, his simple wisdom was hard to misunderstand.  He took his time giving me my first life lesson: We each need each other.

Simple.  To the point.  Easily missed in the hustle of our everyday lives, especially in this day of texting, emailing, and tele-commuting.  But this basic lesson is important to understand as foundational to all his other lessons.  WE EACH NEED EACH OTHER!

Part two of this first lesson is about application.  My teacher began to show me that we each need each other by the simple gesture of a smile. Looking someone in the eyes and smiling quickly reminds a person that we need each other.  It also taught me that a smile can change the world. Wayne Dyer stated, “When we change how we look at the world, the world changes.” A sincere smile can change how we look at the world. It changes our affect, which changes our effect.

Now after 3 1/2 years, my lessons are more frequent and my conditioning has made me more aware.  Even though we do not spend as much time together as we once did, the lessons are more obvious-if I take the time to watch and learn from him.

1. Arise early, start the day with a fresh attitude and a morning routine.
2. Life is nmeant to be filled with action, not sitting to read the newspaper or watching TV.
3. A Kiss has magical powers.
4. Ask lots of questions
5. It is OK to toot your own horn.  Celebrate your accomplishments and share them with others.
6. Have heroes. It is important to have people with strong character to look up to.
7. Believe in miracles.
8. Express authentic emotions. When you are happy-be happy and dance and cheer. When you are sad, cry and asked to be held. When you are angry, yell and scream to let it out.
9. Say I love you. Say I am sorry. Say thank you. These statements are powerful to the people you say them to, but more importantly, they are empowering to your spirit’s well being. Love, Forgiveness and Gratitude.
10. Read positive stories that allow your mind to create powerful lessons and visions, especially before bed.

As you can see his simple lessons are all about getting back to basics. As we grow older it seems most of us clutter our lives and complicate things. We believe that buying things will lead to happiness or a better life-WRONG. Instead these same items actually rob us of a small portion of our life.  What are the basics for you to have a happy life? Friends? Family? Income? Love? Travel? Figure out the “things” that may be weighing you down and simplify.  Back to basics.

As I stated in the beginning, a culmination of my teachings so far have led to a better understanding of perspective, how I view the world. As the Wayne Dyer quote speaks to we must become aware of the lens through which we see the world. And if we take time to change that lens, our reality of our experiences changes. My guru of life’s lessons have not come from a man of many years, the type of mentor I have wished for, but rather from my 3 1/2 year old son, Jackson.

Jackson has helped me reverse my perception of roles and preset assumptions.  He has helped me realize that broadening my awareness and not trying to fit my reality into my own expectations, opens many more opportunities, and many more classrooms. Jackson has shown me that By learning you will teach and by teaching you will learn.

Posted in expectations, Communication, How do you know what you know, success, Coaching, perspective | Print | No Comments »

by ColoradoCoach.

A master can tell you what he expects of you. A teacher, though awakens your own expectations. ~Patricia Neal

I have had several discussions in the past week regarding communicating expectations.  An essential to good communication and relationships is knowing what your expected or desired outcome of a situation is and communicating that to those people involved, whether they are co-workers, a spouse, children or complete strangers. First you must realize what your expectations are.  What is your expected outcome?  What do you hope to achieve?  

Before you communicate expectations to anyone else you must know yourself. That means you must take the time to have a “conversation” with yourself. This step covers the “what” of your expectations. Think about the relevant situation or event. Think about what you want to achieve as a result. Use that information and record it in as much detail so can communicate your message clearly to someone else. Write it down if you have to, but make sure you know in vivid detail what you want.

Too often people are frustrated or angry when things don’t go as planned.  Parents snap at their children because of inappropriate behaviors in restaurants or formal social settings.  I will ask, “Did you tell them your expectations before you got there?”  The response I here the most frequently is “They know what I expect.”  Do you ever ask the person you are communicating with if they clearly understand what you expect?  I’ll bet you don’t.  Do you know the expectations others have of you?  Do you ever ask? 

Every situation we enter, each individual involved has their own expectations. They have expectations of the others involved, they have expectations of the desired results from the others involved, and they have their own base of expectations of themselves.  But these thoughts and feeling are rarely communicated. Yet they can drastically affect our impression of a situation. 

I will start most coaching conversations, classes, and workshops I have with asking what the participants expectations are.  Then I explain what my expectations are of them.  I believe in getting it out on the table right away.  When I notice my 3 year old is not doing what I would like him to do I will ask him, “What are you supposed to be doing?” I find out that I get less frustrated when he is unclear on his expectations.  So I start there and we discuss what he thinks he should be doing.  And I correct or agree with accordingly. Then we can create a plan.

This type of clarification needs to happen in all aspects of our lives. We all are different. We do the same things, but have different desired outcomes or purposes for doing things.  Men and women both go shopping.  Men go to buy a particular item.  We go find the item, we buy the item. For men it is about the kill. Women go shopping for the experience. Women enjoy the hunt. Same activity, way different expectations.

Managing expectations - yours and those of others - is an important part of our every day life. Defining expectations with your children, spouse, boss, yourself, co-workers and customers/ clients will lead to a greater satisfaction and productivity. Understanding the most effective ways to communicate your expectations, and to understand those of others, is the best solution for overall success in any endeavor or relationship.

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